Vacation Time

Just in case I do not have a chance to post tomorrow, I thought that I would drop a line to all four of my readers...

Just last week, after enjoying a wonderful take out from one of my favorite local restaurants, I found the following words of wisdom wrapped in cookie:

"Travel to the east will bring many rewards."

Far be it from me to turn down an offer such as this...

I depart for Hong Kong on Thursday morning and will not be back in town until the 9th of December. I may give Holder the keys to post pictures and possibly some travel advise, so stop in from time to time, either here or at Holder's pad for an update.

Do not fear, I will have plenty to write about upon my return.

Now I must get back to my laundry, packing and cookies.....Yes ol' brother of mine and the youngest demanded I bake them something before I leave as, to use their words, they will be "sacrificing so much" while I am gone. They tried to hold out for the key lime pie, alas..........that takes way too much time and I have a lot more research to do prior to departure. They will suffer through with the cookies and I will bake pies upon my return. So, if you are interested in pie and vacation pictures in a few weeks just drop on in.

Fear is an amazing thing:

Sitting, thinking, wondering, worried, pondering, meditating, and just enjoying the quiet. The loudest thing in my house at this moment has got to be the wall clock..tick, tick, tick, tick, comforting in a way that is difficult to describe. Continually remind me of the things that must be done, the simple passage of time.

Then the furnace kicks in, muffling the sound of my beloved clock - making the comfortable tick, tick, tick, tick into a background noise, no longer the focus. Dulling the senses and allowing me not to focus on that passage of time, yet on other things.

Now it is the refrigerator, that magical thing that keeps all of its contents cool and fresh. Perhaps I should crawl in there for a while & return cool and fresh? I think not. Although I would very much enjoy being cool and refreshed, I will have to find another way.

I am afraid, my friends, and it has a paralytic effect on my system. I will most definitely continue with the journey to find where it leads, to become the better me One way or another this is what happens when the fear is faced head on and the future recognized for its special powers and magical ability to change a person once it becomes the here and now.

Strange, I am awakened at five in the morning, all on my own without the help of any mechanical devices, senses heightened, sight, sound, smell, taste, all picking up on those things which are normally unnoticed or ignored. This is not the Michelle I know, must be some type of invasion.

One for the Road

I heard a rumor that when the Blues Travelers were touring, they would place John Popper in his own van and he only wanted to get out to perform & eat. Gosh I hope this is not true, but it does give me more motivation to get up and MOVE.

Count, One, Two, Three

Get up and move

Float On My Friend

Brown Eyed Girl

Out of the closet for me!

Look, I have tried to be open minded, I have tried to be tolerant of others, their beliefs & values, I have tried to look at things from the perspective of the writer or sender, I have tried to show that I am an accepting human being!

The honeymoon is over baby, the time of romance has ended...yes, it is time for me to open up and really tell you how I feel. Yes, we have had a nice run of encounters and, at times, heavy petting. But the blog world has opened up an amazing opportunity for me and I intend to expand that opening with every power at my availability.

Really, even if I don't post all of the "post ideas" that have run through my little pea brain, what little time I have made for writing has expanded my imagination in ways that I have not experienced since college....THANK YOU!

In the past two days I have received 4 different propaganda emails that have made my blood boil, I might note that none of these emails were sent by bloggers that I know, just some incredibly ___________ people. Each one of these emails had the nerve to tell me that I was unAmerican because of my beliefs.


Religion, God and the catalyst for this post:
This country was founded on, among other things, religious freedom, that is the bottom line people. Just because most of our founding fathers were Christian does not, by any stretch of the imagination, negate the other religions who saw/see our lands as a place where they can live harmoniously and worship without fear of prosecution. This is just one of the things that makes this country so amazing! Please don't take that away because of a fear of those different than the norm. Please, please, please.

CONCLUSION:

Respect and consideration do not equal compromise!

We have a wonderful country in which to live. We have freedom beyond the imaginations of some people living in different parts of the world. We have so much going for us in the United States of America. What would happen if we placed our fear in a bottle for a little while? Just placed it in there, close at hand to retrieve in case of emergency, but away. Could we look at our fellow human beings with a little more compassion? Could we try to see the world through their eyes for just a little while? Could we try to be more accepting of things and people who are a bit different for ourselves? Could we possibly learn something from these different worlds?

Working Day

I volunteer to work extra from time to time and today is one of those days, the boss would not be all too happy if he knew I was here on the weekend. I sneak in!

Honestly, I feel as though I did rather well during my first few hours of work today.....now........................nothing. I simply can not get my mind around the work that needs to be done:

I'm out of here!

Procrastination at its dead level best, thus is my life!

After all if I can not wrap my little brain around the project at hand, and I can not, there is no point in staying. I am one of those annoying people who must understand the why and how prior to doing the actual work...and today I can't get it.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Anyone want to slow dance?

I called him Dwayne

Everyone else, my goodness so many people, knew him only as Boogie Man.

I couldn't make myself go to the funeral or, for that matter, even the viewing. Isn't that terrible?

Too often in this world we make the dead into larger than life heroes, so let me put the record straight, I did not know the man...do you have people in your life who you know, possibly work with, or just see at social functions, and you have no real idea of what they are like, who they are, how they see the world?

Boogie Man had three children, a grand child, a fiancée and some pretty fancy foot moves when he had been drinking. None of which I had ever seen.

I feel the loss of this man mostly through the pain that his passing has caused those around me. There will be less dancing in their lives.

Hong Kong Here I Come!

Yep, the flight is booked. I leave on the 29th. Yes, I will have to be at the airport at ^%#%#$$%^*, leaving my house about _)(&**(&%$^&*...............I guess I will have to plan to sleep on the plane, but it will be worth it.

Very busy...........................very excited........................very tired..................................very going to try to post more later!

The eldest, gosh I worry about that boy!

I have a friend, lets call him Andy, well Andy is the most talented actor I have ever worked with, hands down that boy is aw inspiring! The problem is that Andy is not truly comfortable with his own skin. Perhaps this is one of the things that makes him so wonderful on stage, I don’t know. When I first met this man…he was still a boy of 18 or 19 and had the world by the balls. Intellectual, funny, stunningly attractive - in a unique way, good grades, charisma out the waaaaazzzzzzoooooo, there was nothing this man was lacking other than a little bit of stubborn determination. To have a conversation with this man was both entertaining and intellectually stimulating, you had to be on your best game just to keep up.

Now, today, 10 years later, Andy has had his fair share of adventures only to end up back here in this little town, working so hard just to pay the bills that his true talent is wasted, falling by the way side as a result of hundreds of missed chances, thousands of should haves or could haves, the man is a shadow of what I envisioned a decade ago.

I am not disappointed in him, I do not think less of him, I still want to be in his company…hoping, craving, willing, waiting for that spark to re-ignite within what was once a constantly inspiring individual. I have no room, nor desire, to judge. I am still here, just making it, dreaming of making a difference, just like Andy. Discipline and some of that stubborn determination would have made all the difference in his/my life. Much easier to look at Andy and reflect than on myself.

Truly, the real reason Andy’s story bothers me so much is totally selfish. For in that man who was the Andy I once knew, today, I see my eldest son. I see what could happen if the eldest finds too much enjoyment in being cool, if we find out ten years from now that somehow I had failed to provide him with the tools of self discipline and determination. I push the boy, perhaps too much, or not enough?

Who is it that I truly see: Andy - or - me ?

Ramble or therapy, you decide.

I have not been writing much of late, I guess that is not such a good thing for a “new blogger”, such is life…

All of the children together for the weekend and not a single drop of blood was shed. Progress has been made. Actually, it was more than nice.

I have the three most competitive children that one will ever encounter. To them it does not matter what/who they are competing against or what they are competing for, they just want to play & win. Sometimes that can be less than an enjoyable. At times I am forced to behave accordingly with them in order to get the best results. It is really very simple:

My children will only put up a united front if confronted with a common enemy; I have no problem providing them with said enemy - ME.

The boys are the biggest perpetraters of this competition thing. Sometimes they just pick on eachother to the point where I think that I am going to explode. Solution: Give them a common enemy.

Once, in the parking lot of a store, I got out the duct tape and taped their legs together - before shopping. By the end of the trip they were laughing and having the time of their lives.

With the older two staying with their father during the week and all of us having activities rather often I just do not get to see them as often as I would like! For some time now I have been stomping my foot and demanding that “Mom” time, getting rather mixed results.

Then I remembered being 13-25 and how my mother behaved. I remembered how her demanding I stayed home on a Saturday night, only to turn on the television and basically ignore me really, sent me for a loop. I can vividly recall some holiday or another when I had voluntarily stayed home, not waiting on her to demand my presence, but just acknowledging that “family time” was good time…….and how my mother was b*tching to anyone who listened about how I was never home, constantly telling me things like “If you had been here you would know why your brother has a black eye”, or whatever. I remembered how that bothered me, to be constantly reminded of how I was never there, how it hurt her feelings, how my behaviour - just being a kid, had on some level let her down. I remember thinking “I‘m supposed to be growing up, let me“, but never having the nerve to say it.

Now I truly understand what she was going through. I had to find a new approach. I have amazing children. My desire to be with them is not just a control issue, admittedly that does have some credence, but is not the major motivation.

The point is that I had to change my behavior in order to get the results that I desired. Instead of stomping my foot and chanting “my time, my time, me, me, me, me” I had to step back and be reasonable. Now I say things like: “I would like to see you, figure out a way to go to the party and hang with me.” (It really irritates them when I use language like that, yeah for me.) Simple and to the point.

I have also made more of a concerted effort to listen to them, to remember names, places and situations, so that I can have intelligent conversations with the elder two, when they choose to share. Putting down the book, mop, vacuum, toilet brush, paint brush, keyboard, or lighting plot and just listen. I find this so completely satisfying that I want to kick myself in the rear for not having done it sooner or more often.

Sure, there things left un-done as a result of this new tact………..who cares? I still make my bed, most of the time, and keep the sink clean of dirty dishes and in return I am finding out just how amazing my children are, without becoming a total b****. Keeping the lines of communication open and still not loosing an inch of control over their lives. In fact, I think that this new approach may actually give me more influence over their decisions.

Only time will tell.

Some Research

Looking into Hong Kong....really kind of a perfect place for me to visit. I enjoy learning about the eastern culture, I love the "Chinese" food served in these here parts. Dying to see a Buddha, a huge one at that...

A few years ago (and yes the term "few years" expands with my age) it was a British Colony, therefore you would be able to actually communicate with some of the locals, catch a cab, make a reservation, use mass transit, order at a restaurant, almost anything without accessing the pantomime skills best left unused.

So, anyone with any knowledge....please share.