The eldest, gosh I worry about that boy!

I have a friend, lets call him Andy, well Andy is the most talented actor I have ever worked with, hands down that boy is aw inspiring! The problem is that Andy is not truly comfortable with his own skin. Perhaps this is one of the things that makes him so wonderful on stage, I don’t know. When I first met this man…he was still a boy of 18 or 19 and had the world by the balls. Intellectual, funny, stunningly attractive - in a unique way, good grades, charisma out the waaaaazzzzzzoooooo, there was nothing this man was lacking other than a little bit of stubborn determination. To have a conversation with this man was both entertaining and intellectually stimulating, you had to be on your best game just to keep up.

Now, today, 10 years later, Andy has had his fair share of adventures only to end up back here in this little town, working so hard just to pay the bills that his true talent is wasted, falling by the way side as a result of hundreds of missed chances, thousands of should haves or could haves, the man is a shadow of what I envisioned a decade ago.

I am not disappointed in him, I do not think less of him, I still want to be in his company…hoping, craving, willing, waiting for that spark to re-ignite within what was once a constantly inspiring individual. I have no room, nor desire, to judge. I am still here, just making it, dreaming of making a difference, just like Andy. Discipline and some of that stubborn determination would have made all the difference in his/my life. Much easier to look at Andy and reflect than on myself.

Truly, the real reason Andy’s story bothers me so much is totally selfish. For in that man who was the Andy I once knew, today, I see my eldest son. I see what could happen if the eldest finds too much enjoyment in being cool, if we find out ten years from now that somehow I had failed to provide him with the tools of self discipline and determination. I push the boy, perhaps too much, or not enough?

Who is it that I truly see: Andy - or - me ?