it's a little clearer now

My apologies to my host, I was, indeed trying to post a widget for my trip. And it ended up here, so sorry, so sorry. Which was why I just blinked when Michelle asked me about the novelty theory. Which I don't have a clue about. I mean sure I could go Google it, but why?
Anyway, in 44 days and a few hours, we'll be in the Bahamas. Thanks for the loan, My Belle. And to think, all it took was a few bruises to convince you.
But don't forget to think about that new car, I might need it soon.

Holder & Richard are going to the Bahamas!

Yes, you guessed it............I had to give them all the funds in my savings account for them to stop the abuse this weekend. Apparently all they needed to purchase their air line tickets was $2.47. Can you imagine what I would look like if they needed $100.00? Just a thought! See below for photographic proof.........this picture was not edited.

Abuse of a guest!

Have you ever thought about going to the home of Holder and Richard to enjoy some good fun. Well, if you get these two too intoxicated, something like this may happen to you.

How did this happen, you may ask?

All I can say is that Richard gets rather upset when you kick his tail at football & broom! If you should upset little Richard, get he and his lovely wife a weeee bit intoxicated, and then begin to taunt him/them.....well then, that is when Holder gets involved. Not a pretty site at all. All I remember saying is "Please, for the love of God, put down the shovel...

Hong Kong Harbor....Victoria Harbour

Oh, yes there is a story to accompany this picture. It is a story of love, a story of mystery with a splash of fear and a dose of the Chinese mafia. Yes, the story is all in my imagination, spawned only by fragmented bits of reality, but what a story it is. . .

Time is short this morning, enjoy the beauty of the picture and try to imagine your own story!

Dreaming, dream, dream, dream!

Dear Santa,

I have been reasonably good practically all year!

I would love a built in dishwasher. Installation would be nice as well, I become easily confused. Could whoever installs it please fix the floor under the dishwasher that I have recently discovered is weak from the flood of water that currently comes out of the old dishwasher? Could you try and make certain that whoever installs the dishwasher and fixes the floor has a nice personality?

That is all I really want.

The kids have been good and, with more than a little help from friends & family, will have some really cool stuff under the tree.

Thanks!

Michelle

The little one...

This picture was taken in Hong Kong during our visit. (It is, to date, my favorite from the trip. It may only be my favorite because I have only received a few....
....HINT!!!!! <-------why do I even try that? The man doesn't know how to take a hint! I should give all four of my readers his email and let them pester him for the PROMISED pictures!)

At any rate.....The picture was taken at the entrance to the Ruttonjee Hospital. Only now am I wishing we had had the foresight to also have taken a wide angle picture of the entrance. This is where people went to find help, and I thought that it was just an alley, hidden between the fruit vendor and another market.

I was standing in what I thought was an alley, waiting on JJ to return from a "meat market" photography shoot. As I did for much of the trip, standing there and watching the lives of hundreds or thousands of people, pondering the essence of existence, mine and theirs, wondering what mattered & what did not.

This is one of the things that mattered. I watched as this little princess grabbed an orange from a basket, looked up, at the woman I assume was her mother, with a determination that is almost exclusively reserved for little ones, turned, replaced the orange and then decided upon this, the perfect orange. I fell instantly in love. With the orange or the girl? Perhaps a combination of the two. A princess and her orange!

As I stand there and try not to obviously stare, thinking of the thousands of oranges before, wanting to know the thoughts of this princess, transporting myself back to a time when all that mattered was finding the succulent, sweet and tangy pulp within and savoring it.

"What type of orange is that?" I ask the returning photographic genius. "I don't know." he says and starts to walk away. "No, look at her." and he does, and he sees.

What he sees? I can not say. Perhaps he sees all the oranges of his past or projects all the future oranges in his life? Perhaps he is allowed a glimpse into the quiet determination of my little princess, a reflection of self? Perhaps he too falls instantly in love.

Perhaps we two found help in an alley that was also the entrance to a hospital.

Well?

What is so intoxicating about intoxication?

Another one bites the dust!

This morning, on my way to work, I purchased a pack of cigarettes. There, now you know, and I feel so much better about being open and honest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT.

Sleeping, eating, exercise and Guitar Hero

At this time these are the only activities that I have found that actually accomplish keeping my mind off of the "omnipotent" cigarette.........and that, my friends, is one hell of a sad state of affairs!

I have heard the stories of people smoking one and then putting the rest of the pack in their pocket, and then toting that pack around with them for the next 20 years, if only to remind them of their commitment to stay away. I can guarantee you only one thing....had I kept a pack around, if only to remind me, that sucker would have been destroyed in a tragic fire by now. I'm not talking about the kind of fire that is accidentally started, this fire would have been encouraged and restarted at least twenty different times.

Here is my least favorite questions thus far: "So, Is your house like, spotless, when I quit smoking I scrubbed everything in the house, anything to keep my mind off of smoking?" To which I reply: "Hell no!" Honestly. All I want to do is eat, exercise and play Guitar Hero, nothing else is stopping the monster inside my head.

Ole brother of mine was putting on his shoes early this morning...and I asked: "Are you going out or just to the dump to haul off the trash?" to which he replied with total dead pan: "I would love to just go out, leave for a few hours, but alas, there are two little boys sleeping in the next room, whom I love, and don't want any harm to come to, I must be here to protect them." I smiled, and then asked him to buy me some cigarettes while he was out.......then told him that I would kick his tail if he did.

It is like battling depression and heroine addiction at the same time. It is truly frightening to find out just how addicted to smoking I had become.

Earlier I mentioned the cigarette as being omnipotent, and in the nicotine addiction riddled mind that is Michelle I, at times, believe in these powers. I could handle this ______________ (<---------here you can insert almost any situation, good or bad) a whole lot better if I could smoke just one. I have given the cigarette powers for which it was not designed, or was it?

OK, I tried it cold turkey, and that frightened most people. Went to the store and proudly proclaimed "I need to purchase some patches before I kill someone!" Somehow, that was not all that funny to the store employees, sometimes these lines are just much better in my head......The patch helped the first couple of days, it was kind of like being on speed (from what people have told me, not personal experience), which I thought was helping, now I am not so sure. I think today we are going to go "nicotine free", what really is the point in substituting one for the other, the point here is to be free from that addiction, not to place it in a more socially acceptable, and possibly less deadly, form. The point is to be free, and, honestly, I still want to kill people with the patch on, so why not go for broke?

What is the point to all of this in a post? It is, well, multifaceted, in a way, I am looking to accomplish several things.......Writing is also one of those things that has always, in the past, helped me to enter into a different perspective, a different world of sorts, and that is always a good thing. If I write about some things I am taking away their power to destroy me, or so I believe. Finally, now you know, not that I am a wimp and having a hard time with something that I should have done years ago, but that I am no longer a smoker. Feel free to remind me of this in the future.

I may delete this post...

Testing the water...

How it will all end
It really does not matter
Just want my friend

So, no worries about kicking it any time soon!

You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.

Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Some days...

It just does not seem worth the effort. Yet, I shall continue to try, possibly fail, and try again, to the end.

Hong Kong was amazing

And I do not have pictures yet....big hint to those readers currently in China! Without the pictures I do not feel like writing about the adventures.

General observations:
Busy
Crowded
Beautiful
Incredibly nice people
Wonderful food
Me - Master of the chop stick
JJ - Master of the foot massage
Fast Drivers
Fun on a bus
Temples and their burning incense
Begin the process of no-smoking
Shopping
Haggling
Most Popular is yummy
Picture menus
Metro
Metro
Pacific Coffee has the best coffee on the planet - puts that other star studded place to shame!
Avenue of the Stars is a must at night
Chin Li Nunnery, Lotus Pond Garden and Nan Lian Garden = peaceful perfection
Largest/longest escalator, wow

Communication

What an elusive thing...

She: Did you find any French books at that store?

He: No, all they had was Chinese books in French.

She: Isn't that what you were looking for?

He: No, I wanted to get some novels in French.

She: You mean French novels?

He: No, I don't care what language they were in originally, translated into French would be fine.

She: So, you didn't like any of the novels they had?

He: I just told you...They didn't have any novels. Just books on how to learn Chinese, written in French.

She: Hhhhmmmmmm...

So, which is it?
a) Linguistic
b) Cultural
c) Sexual (as in different sexes)
d) Astrological (as in different "signs")

Words

There just are not any today, or yesterday, just a blank, posted the dribble of an entirely boring event yesterday, considered the same for today with little luck or true desire. There are some points in life where reflection is best done with pen and paper, now, I believe, may be one of those times. The reassurance of seeing the insanity or, for that matter, clarity, smoothly written in ink allows for a certain amount of reflection that is not easily obtained via any other avenue. Where is this all leading? Time well spent in quiet reflection, a sorting out of the images, impressions, thoughts, feelings, interpretations, losses, gains and current position within the universe without fear, within self. Finding the differences of perception and reality, and boldly stepping into those differences, that different world, that we all face each day a new, that will be the goal of the day, has to be, else face reality from a skewed position.

Monday Morning Blues

After arriving home yesterday morning here is a list of things that I did:

Scowl at ol brother of mine for keeping a messy house.....I had actually anticipated it looking a lot more "manly" and was pleasantly surprised to see only a few dishes in the sink, clothes (clean) on the kitchen table, shelves in need of dusting and floors in need of attention. Not bad at all, really, but I still had to give him the scowl, least he think I had changed totally over the past 12 days!

Begin the cleaning process with ole brother of mine.

Pick up the munchkins. They were full of questions about Hong Kong & our adventures. What kind of food did you eat? Did you buy us all kinds of cheap electronics? Where was the hotel? I don't know what else they asked me in the car...........as I was beginning to see double of everything on the road, having only little naps over the past 30 hours or so in transit, and wanting a cigarette badly.

Arrive back at home & passing out gifts (which they all loved - finally got it right) to begin the march of the drill sergeant: You clean that bathroom, you sweep the front porch, you fix the electric fence, you sweep & mop, you get out the vacuum............so most of this was done in an hour or so, helps to have so many of them at times.

Then off to a late lunch/early dinner............and where do they choose to dine? Only one real choice Hong Kong, this is a local buffet restaurant with some really nice eats among the rather boring. The daughter wanted me to show her my new talent with the chop sticks, challenged me to eat jello which I accomplished with great flare.

Stop at Home Depot to pick up a new electric fence thingie.

Back home so that they could fight over the computers................lay down on couch for just a second................MOM, wake up, we are going to be late!

Take the eldest to their fathers, return home to help the youngest finish up with the fence, OK, so I just stood there and watched him for a few minutes, making a suggestion or two.

Unpack & do some laundry, I can't stand too much clutter, my house is way too small.

At about 7:30 I found myself on the couch again with the youngest........dozing off. To bed for me.

Now I am ready to return to work..................I can only imagine what awaits me there, as I am not allowed to scowl at the boss for the mess he leaves while I am gone.

I hope to have the pictures from JJ in the next few days and then I will begin to tell you all about our many little adventures.

SMOKING UPDATE: The neighbor boy just called to ask for a cigarette....I gave him the pack that I purchased at the airport in Korea & informed him that his supply from me was officially over.

Home

And tired & have a million things to do................................more later!

Introduction . . .

JJ & Michelle would like to introduce you to the newest addition to the family:

Honk Kong Dou Dou was adopted/purchased on December 1, 2007 for the price of $30.00 HK. He will have many great adventures that I hope to share with you.

Hong Kong Dou Dou

That is the name of our new friend that I will give you pictures of later....today possibly. I have jet laggggggggg & Hong Kong is beautiful, totally packed with people, and some really good food, like I needed that!

Well, it is time for breakfast. Pictures & much much more.....later.

Food stuff

No word from Michelle yet, she's probably still gets her shirts laundered, so to speak. But I have her son, and he reminds of several things:

1. Some children do appreciate your efforts to feed them, not just bitch about it.
2. Boys talk just as much, if not more than, girls.
3. 3 is not a crowd, these kids are having a blast together.


Now, Michelle tells me she is going to try exotic food stuffs whilst over in the land of lights, or whatever it's called. Maybe even Donkey. Hmmm, what is the strangest thing you've ever eaten? I used to eat tripe stew alot, cow stomach for those not in the know. I wonder if the inside of our stomach looks like that? Stuffed grape leaves were a fave of mine....

Vacation Time

Just in case I do not have a chance to post tomorrow, I thought that I would drop a line to all four of my readers...

Just last week, after enjoying a wonderful take out from one of my favorite local restaurants, I found the following words of wisdom wrapped in cookie:

"Travel to the east will bring many rewards."

Far be it from me to turn down an offer such as this...

I depart for Hong Kong on Thursday morning and will not be back in town until the 9th of December. I may give Holder the keys to post pictures and possibly some travel advise, so stop in from time to time, either here or at Holder's pad for an update.

Do not fear, I will have plenty to write about upon my return.

Now I must get back to my laundry, packing and cookies.....Yes ol' brother of mine and the youngest demanded I bake them something before I leave as, to use their words, they will be "sacrificing so much" while I am gone. They tried to hold out for the key lime pie, alas..........that takes way too much time and I have a lot more research to do prior to departure. They will suffer through with the cookies and I will bake pies upon my return. So, if you are interested in pie and vacation pictures in a few weeks just drop on in.

Fear is an amazing thing:

Sitting, thinking, wondering, worried, pondering, meditating, and just enjoying the quiet. The loudest thing in my house at this moment has got to be the wall clock..tick, tick, tick, tick, comforting in a way that is difficult to describe. Continually remind me of the things that must be done, the simple passage of time.

Then the furnace kicks in, muffling the sound of my beloved clock - making the comfortable tick, tick, tick, tick into a background noise, no longer the focus. Dulling the senses and allowing me not to focus on that passage of time, yet on other things.

Now it is the refrigerator, that magical thing that keeps all of its contents cool and fresh. Perhaps I should crawl in there for a while & return cool and fresh? I think not. Although I would very much enjoy being cool and refreshed, I will have to find another way.

I am afraid, my friends, and it has a paralytic effect on my system. I will most definitely continue with the journey to find where it leads, to become the better me One way or another this is what happens when the fear is faced head on and the future recognized for its special powers and magical ability to change a person once it becomes the here and now.

Strange, I am awakened at five in the morning, all on my own without the help of any mechanical devices, senses heightened, sight, sound, smell, taste, all picking up on those things which are normally unnoticed or ignored. This is not the Michelle I know, must be some type of invasion.

One for the Road

I heard a rumor that when the Blues Travelers were touring, they would place John Popper in his own van and he only wanted to get out to perform & eat. Gosh I hope this is not true, but it does give me more motivation to get up and MOVE.

Count, One, Two, Three

Get up and move

Float On My Friend

Brown Eyed Girl

Out of the closet for me!

Look, I have tried to be open minded, I have tried to be tolerant of others, their beliefs & values, I have tried to look at things from the perspective of the writer or sender, I have tried to show that I am an accepting human being!

The honeymoon is over baby, the time of romance has ended...yes, it is time for me to open up and really tell you how I feel. Yes, we have had a nice run of encounters and, at times, heavy petting. But the blog world has opened up an amazing opportunity for me and I intend to expand that opening with every power at my availability.

Really, even if I don't post all of the "post ideas" that have run through my little pea brain, what little time I have made for writing has expanded my imagination in ways that I have not experienced since college....THANK YOU!

In the past two days I have received 4 different propaganda emails that have made my blood boil, I might note that none of these emails were sent by bloggers that I know, just some incredibly ___________ people. Each one of these emails had the nerve to tell me that I was unAmerican because of my beliefs.


Religion, God and the catalyst for this post:
This country was founded on, among other things, religious freedom, that is the bottom line people. Just because most of our founding fathers were Christian does not, by any stretch of the imagination, negate the other religions who saw/see our lands as a place where they can live harmoniously and worship without fear of prosecution. This is just one of the things that makes this country so amazing! Please don't take that away because of a fear of those different than the norm. Please, please, please.

CONCLUSION:

Respect and consideration do not equal compromise!

We have a wonderful country in which to live. We have freedom beyond the imaginations of some people living in different parts of the world. We have so much going for us in the United States of America. What would happen if we placed our fear in a bottle for a little while? Just placed it in there, close at hand to retrieve in case of emergency, but away. Could we look at our fellow human beings with a little more compassion? Could we try to see the world through their eyes for just a little while? Could we try to be more accepting of things and people who are a bit different for ourselves? Could we possibly learn something from these different worlds?

Working Day

I volunteer to work extra from time to time and today is one of those days, the boss would not be all too happy if he knew I was here on the weekend. I sneak in!

Honestly, I feel as though I did rather well during my first few hours of work today.....now........................nothing. I simply can not get my mind around the work that needs to be done:

I'm out of here!

Procrastination at its dead level best, thus is my life!

After all if I can not wrap my little brain around the project at hand, and I can not, there is no point in staying. I am one of those annoying people who must understand the why and how prior to doing the actual work...and today I can't get it.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Anyone want to slow dance?

I called him Dwayne

Everyone else, my goodness so many people, knew him only as Boogie Man.

I couldn't make myself go to the funeral or, for that matter, even the viewing. Isn't that terrible?

Too often in this world we make the dead into larger than life heroes, so let me put the record straight, I did not know the man...do you have people in your life who you know, possibly work with, or just see at social functions, and you have no real idea of what they are like, who they are, how they see the world?

Boogie Man had three children, a grand child, a fiancée and some pretty fancy foot moves when he had been drinking. None of which I had ever seen.

I feel the loss of this man mostly through the pain that his passing has caused those around me. There will be less dancing in their lives.

Hong Kong Here I Come!

Yep, the flight is booked. I leave on the 29th. Yes, I will have to be at the airport at ^%#%#$$%^*, leaving my house about _)(&**(&%$^&*...............I guess I will have to plan to sleep on the plane, but it will be worth it.

Very busy...........................very excited........................very tired..................................very going to try to post more later!

The eldest, gosh I worry about that boy!

I have a friend, lets call him Andy, well Andy is the most talented actor I have ever worked with, hands down that boy is aw inspiring! The problem is that Andy is not truly comfortable with his own skin. Perhaps this is one of the things that makes him so wonderful on stage, I don’t know. When I first met this man…he was still a boy of 18 or 19 and had the world by the balls. Intellectual, funny, stunningly attractive - in a unique way, good grades, charisma out the waaaaazzzzzzoooooo, there was nothing this man was lacking other than a little bit of stubborn determination. To have a conversation with this man was both entertaining and intellectually stimulating, you had to be on your best game just to keep up.

Now, today, 10 years later, Andy has had his fair share of adventures only to end up back here in this little town, working so hard just to pay the bills that his true talent is wasted, falling by the way side as a result of hundreds of missed chances, thousands of should haves or could haves, the man is a shadow of what I envisioned a decade ago.

I am not disappointed in him, I do not think less of him, I still want to be in his company…hoping, craving, willing, waiting for that spark to re-ignite within what was once a constantly inspiring individual. I have no room, nor desire, to judge. I am still here, just making it, dreaming of making a difference, just like Andy. Discipline and some of that stubborn determination would have made all the difference in his/my life. Much easier to look at Andy and reflect than on myself.

Truly, the real reason Andy’s story bothers me so much is totally selfish. For in that man who was the Andy I once knew, today, I see my eldest son. I see what could happen if the eldest finds too much enjoyment in being cool, if we find out ten years from now that somehow I had failed to provide him with the tools of self discipline and determination. I push the boy, perhaps too much, or not enough?

Who is it that I truly see: Andy - or - me ?

Ramble or therapy, you decide.

I have not been writing much of late, I guess that is not such a good thing for a “new blogger”, such is life…

All of the children together for the weekend and not a single drop of blood was shed. Progress has been made. Actually, it was more than nice.

I have the three most competitive children that one will ever encounter. To them it does not matter what/who they are competing against or what they are competing for, they just want to play & win. Sometimes that can be less than an enjoyable. At times I am forced to behave accordingly with them in order to get the best results. It is really very simple:

My children will only put up a united front if confronted with a common enemy; I have no problem providing them with said enemy - ME.

The boys are the biggest perpetraters of this competition thing. Sometimes they just pick on eachother to the point where I think that I am going to explode. Solution: Give them a common enemy.

Once, in the parking lot of a store, I got out the duct tape and taped their legs together - before shopping. By the end of the trip they were laughing and having the time of their lives.

With the older two staying with their father during the week and all of us having activities rather often I just do not get to see them as often as I would like! For some time now I have been stomping my foot and demanding that “Mom” time, getting rather mixed results.

Then I remembered being 13-25 and how my mother behaved. I remembered how her demanding I stayed home on a Saturday night, only to turn on the television and basically ignore me really, sent me for a loop. I can vividly recall some holiday or another when I had voluntarily stayed home, not waiting on her to demand my presence, but just acknowledging that “family time” was good time…….and how my mother was b*tching to anyone who listened about how I was never home, constantly telling me things like “If you had been here you would know why your brother has a black eye”, or whatever. I remembered how that bothered me, to be constantly reminded of how I was never there, how it hurt her feelings, how my behaviour - just being a kid, had on some level let her down. I remember thinking “I‘m supposed to be growing up, let me“, but never having the nerve to say it.

Now I truly understand what she was going through. I had to find a new approach. I have amazing children. My desire to be with them is not just a control issue, admittedly that does have some credence, but is not the major motivation.

The point is that I had to change my behavior in order to get the results that I desired. Instead of stomping my foot and chanting “my time, my time, me, me, me, me” I had to step back and be reasonable. Now I say things like: “I would like to see you, figure out a way to go to the party and hang with me.” (It really irritates them when I use language like that, yeah for me.) Simple and to the point.

I have also made more of a concerted effort to listen to them, to remember names, places and situations, so that I can have intelligent conversations with the elder two, when they choose to share. Putting down the book, mop, vacuum, toilet brush, paint brush, keyboard, or lighting plot and just listen. I find this so completely satisfying that I want to kick myself in the rear for not having done it sooner or more often.

Sure, there things left un-done as a result of this new tact………..who cares? I still make my bed, most of the time, and keep the sink clean of dirty dishes and in return I am finding out just how amazing my children are, without becoming a total b****. Keeping the lines of communication open and still not loosing an inch of control over their lives. In fact, I think that this new approach may actually give me more influence over their decisions.

Only time will tell.

Some Research

Looking into Hong Kong....really kind of a perfect place for me to visit. I enjoy learning about the eastern culture, I love the "Chinese" food served in these here parts. Dying to see a Buddha, a huge one at that...

A few years ago (and yes the term "few years" expands with my age) it was a British Colony, therefore you would be able to actually communicate with some of the locals, catch a cab, make a reservation, use mass transit, order at a restaurant, almost anything without accessing the pantomime skills best left unused.

So, anyone with any knowledge....please share.

I have done it, wish me luck!

So if I qualify for this little contest..........who wants to come to the party? Below is what I submitted:

Pieces of a poem long ago
Diva incantation even then?
Release her to glitter and glow,
Simply a matter of when:

Is this what must be done
To become the woman of dreams
Hold on tight or run -
Simple decision, so it seems.

I saw her today in the shadow of the mind,
Snuggled close against the cold,
Or was it just what I wanted to find
Another act of monologue of old?

Only...when there is no sound
Do I wonder? Where has she gone?
True smiles with laughter all around.
Love so clear in noise and confusion.

Michelle

I know it was a little like cheating, using parts of a poem written years ago - I don't care! The point here is to try, to not try would have been a shame. Who cares the result, live in the moment, give it your best, all or nothing...

Perhaps I am channeling a bit of something else as well? We shall see!

Cookies & Stuff

I find it simply amazing how much bonding can be done in one single evening when not at rehearsal or football practice!

The youngest had to get three shots yesterday at the Dr. Office, just before his game, said shots did not seem to bother the little guy too much at the game. (A game in which, by the way, my little one, and he is really little compared to most of the other kids out there, sacked the quarterback! Yep, he has been playing point these last couple of games, I make a point of mentioning this because Eric made me feel so bad when I could not remember a couple of weeks ago, I was not drunk, give me a break! Yes sir eeeee Bob, the little one made it to the quarterback twice in his limited play and actually got that giant down the second time, broke right in between two monster boys to do it as well.) NOTE TO SELF: This post is supposed to be about cookies.

After shots, a bumped knee (acquired while partying last weekend) and whatever else, the youngest did not feel up to football practice tonight. The doctor said he might feel a bit rough for the next couple of days, so we all stayed home. It was wonderful. First of all because I put my foot down and refused to let the little one leave the house for friends this evening. After all if he did not feel good enough for football he would not be allowed to just goof off either!

So, we just hung out at our little home. I did some crocheting while Ole brother of mine cooked dinner, something he is much better at than I am, little one did his homework, and we chatted. Nothing special, no ephphanies were exposed or realized, just the three of us hanging out, a bit of light banter, nice.

With as busy as life gets sometimes this was heaven.

I am one heck of a good cook, Ole brother of mine is more of a chef. Ever since the first time he prepared spagetti I have been deligated to desert and side dishes in this house. He made dinner and the youngest and I made desert. Yep, cookies, way more cookies than we could ever eat. I took some pictures, but to no avail, something is really wrong with the camera. Sufice it to say that we will be nibbling on these guys well into the weekend when the invasion of the older siblings occurs.

Halloween

You can find me at the humble home of Richard and Holder Halloween Night, scamming for as much candy as one little lady can tote! This time I will know better than to volunteer a demonstration of any kind when Richard is holding a camera!

The "DIVA" Contest

After spending the last several days, in the "free time" trying to write wonderful things about me that will help to qualify me for this contest - I GIVE UP!

I was going to give all the proceeds to a worthy cause.......me, ole brother of mine, the oldest, the girl, and the youngest. Plus a friend or two I could just see in diamond earrings!

Whatever, I may think of a nice pithy way to proceed in the near future.

I could write a book...

And darn near did, until this stupid machine decided to eat it!

NEXT!

Happy Birthday!

In China...the youngest is already 12. Here, in Georgia (USA) he is still 11, for a few more minutes.

Happy Birthday little guy!

I owe him so much, honestly believe he is here for a reason and I would not be the same person were he not hanging out in my life. He makes me want to be a better person and forces me to become a better mother.

May he continue to change the world for the better for the rest of his days.

You can just scroll down to "Church & Children" to learn a thing or two about the amazing creature that is the youngest.

I think he needs a cool blog name, I was going use Einstein but want to finish the biography of the real Einstein that I am currently reading before making a decision about that.

Things I like:

Rain
Accents - British, French, Australian, Mexican, Yankee, Southern, Mid-western, Scottish - any accent
Serenity via water
Thunder
Poetry
Food
Laughter
“Real” beer
Hugs
Smiles that touch the eyes
Theatre
Desire
Movies
Children, especially mine
Writing
Roller Coasters
A firm handshake
Walking
Discovery
Singing, not often in public
Helping
Reading
Hope
Usefulness
Silver
Baking
Flowers
Leather
Driving alone in the spring on a twisty road
Surprises
Haunted houses

But, I don’t like porn. Pornography of any type, form or fashion does nothing for me. No matter the “body part” being displayed, I find myself unmoved in any way, no repulsion, no desire, no contemplation, nothing, an unmoved, unaffected complete blank. I know, not every woman could admit it, I am different, living in A Different World does that to a girl.

Chocolate Cake - YUM

Baking is my thing. I love to bake! Baking something wonderful that people actually eat and enjoy does more for me and my spirit than almost anything I can think of, and some I choose not to.

I have perfected homemade pancakes. My lemon meringue pie is to die for. The guys at the US Marshals & local County Sheriffs Office love my key lime pie, that is a better story for another time, true, but not for now.

I know you thought I just did soup!

Today I got a hankering for some chocolate cake and went on a search for the perfect recipe, I looked everywhere that I could think of and finally found this wonderful recipe for chocolate cake that I just must try sometime in the near future, although I don't think it tells me what temperature to heat the oven to? Strange!

Someone Suggested this to me - Diva for the Day!

If you click here you can find out all about a contest that I am considering entering. I could win a $10,000.00 jewelry (I did loose an earing in Helen that needs replacing) give certificate! The initial entry is an essay of 100 words or less describing why I should be DIVA FOR A DAY. My thought was that I could use quotes from people who have met me. Like this:

Ellison Said: Michelle, who is involved in the Performing Arts as both an actress and director,
And if you want someone to party with who can, incidentally, schlep a cripple up a flight of stairs, well, you’d do good to select ’er.

Erica Said: had I done so, I woulda been the sad inebriate to have fallen on my butt and gotten soaked, and not that poor sweet soul, Michelle.

Catfish had the following comment: …a very nice looking lady…she was very pretty, wish I was 20 years younger. I would have tried for some of that.

Richard had this to contribute: Michelle needed to continue the party so they joined our neighbors in the cabin next door.

Who could forget the impression I made on Denny: Four strong men carried me up the steps, chair and all.

That alone gets me to 138 words........whatever will I do?

Joking aside, I think that I may enter into this greediest of contests. Anyone care to join me?

Dave Loggins - Please Come To Boston - 1974 - DJ Single

For the last week or so this has been running in the background of my thoughts. Perhaps now I can sleep.

Perspective

On my way to work this morning I decided that I could possibly use some motivation to file. Being a secretary I do know that this is a part of my job description, a necessary evil if you will, but I find it well, silly. If I place a piece of paper somewhere, I know where it is, I know that at any given time I can find anything, anything within ten minutes. The trouble with this theory is that other people are exactly like I am, placing things down, only these people are hoping that I will place them where they belong...The result, as you can see in the picture, is rather disastrous. So the boss has been out of town since Thursday, cleared off his desk, nice and pretty, before he left, and I wanted to do the same with mine. I have a bit of a competitive streak, some people aren't able to admit things like that!

So, I took this picture hoping for a before and after series, or some such nonsense. There is no after picture.

I read an article once that suggested that the people who keep a messier desk are actually more organized. What do you think?

Working late - This place is haunted!

So, here I am late at work. When you work for the most wonderful people staying late is not too difficult. Problem is..........THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED! I have heard of others complain about noises and such, one attorney, no longer with the firm, actually said that one night he saw a man in a suit.

The building dates back to 1897, I think.

I heard noises, went down stairs, looked in all the offices. Hell no I didn't check the basement! I am alone in the building, no other cars in the parking lot.........

OK, so I am going to get my work done and leave, getting dark. If you never hear from me again . . . Send Joan to investigate!

Theatrical Choices

After only recently finishing work on the wonderful little production of "Anybody for Murder" at the end of September I find myself in an all to familiar predicament. What to do next? Normally this is not a difficult choice, the theatre company I am currently serving on the board of directors rarely picks so many wonderful plays in a single season.

My favorite so far was "Picasso at the Lapin Agile", by Steve Martin. I had the great honor of being selected as director of this show a couple of years ago.........

We had a nice little Power Point presentation of quotes from Einstein, Picasso, Steve Martin, Elvis, and a few others.....










We had a Falcon's Cheerleader taking her shirt off:

A very talented young actress and I wish her only the best with her career in the film world.











The local artist guild decorated the stage for us, and we actually sold there work too!


We even said the "F" word on stage, it was in the script & I fought to keep it.

What a pleasure to work on a show that was risky, intelligent and funny!

It was a real wonder they ever asked me back.








OK, the point of this post is WHAT TO DO NEXT:

Black Comedy, by Peter Shaffer

Death of a Salesman, by Arthur Miller

I'm Not Rapport, by Herb Garner

I would like nothing better than to direct all three, alas, there will be other people who want that honor...I could act in one or two, I am a much better director than I am an actor.

Just more things to ponder.

Sophie's Choice

It has only been in the last nine or so that I have gotten into watching movies, as that was about the time that I banned television from my home and discovered so much more about life. So, tonight I subjected ol brother of mine to the movie Sophie's Choice.

Although some things about the film were telegraphed well into the future, an observation of ol brother of mine. I found the acting superb and the story more than a bit compelling. If you have not seen this movie, do. Put it on your list of things to do before you forget.

Another book to add to the ever growing list of "must reads".

Beauty Tip #1

Never, never decide, on the spur of the moment, to do something about that problem hair, which you have reasonably tolerated for more than 2 months, after a horribly depressing day at work!

Just a thought . . .

Help Me Rhonda

If you know then you know.

For Kelly - Gumbo

I spent six wonderful months living in Luisianna when I was a, well, it was a long time ago. Your soup suggestions got me drifting back to those wonderful days.

I have spent some time thinking about Gumbo...and found these recipes. Next weekend we will try one and let you know the results!

Children & Church

On Wednesday, October 17, 2007, the youngest was baptized in a BAPTIST church. WOW, now that was a hard one to swallow for yours truly. He had asked me several weeks prior to "it" what I thought and if I would allow him to literally, as I found out on Wednesday, take the plunge. I didn't tell him what I actually thought, all organized religion is corrupt at some level, but that I was proud of him for making a decision and would support him in every way. If this was what he truly wanted, if he had given it enough time and thought, then who was I to refuse? Who was I to say right from wrong on this issue?

Yes, I am his mother, and believe me I know what power that yields. I do have the ability to refuse such a request. I wanted to refuse it! I wanted to yell from the rafters, no, no, no, please for the love of god(?) no! Why I did not want this to happen, that was the reason for the eventual "If this is what you really believe to be the right choice for you, seeing as I love you and respect your desires, I will attend and support your efforts." The desire for refusal was all Michelle and had absolutely nothing to do with the youngest, and everything to do with me.

The youngest is one of the smartest, intellectually, people I have ever known. In many ways he reminds me a lot of my father (and ol brother of mine), who finds it difficult to have conversation with people simply due to the fact that his mind is running so quickly in so many directions it is an actual effort to slow it down to normal speed. The youngest will never be cool, like his two older siblings. He will never be interested in being cool. His mind does not work in that way.

What he needs, in my humble opinion, is to know that while cool is well, cool, it is not everything.

In this church he has found acceptance and love. He is safe there, I have my spies, and do a bit of investigation of my own. I have tried to instill in them (all three) some principles, or morals, or whatever, they know right from wrong, their Jiminy Crickets are working just fine.

So, Wednesday I called upon ol brother of mine, rather force-ably I might add, and we went to church. Still in my work attire I was way over dressed. I had to work late that night. So, shove ol brother of mine in the car, and bitch the entire drive, just complained about almost everything! Such a tolerant soul ol brother of mine is, neither of us wanted to be there. But, we love the little guy so we went.

What an incredibly, wonderfully, friendly bunch of people greeted us. Neither of us were falling for it! (Insert long rant about the hipocracy of your average church goer.) Alas, I am an actress by trade and found the role not too difficult to sustain the hour or two while in attendance. I have, once again, put my skills to good use for good reason, constantly reminding myself that this evening was NOT about me, it was about loving someone.

And the result:


Gosh, there is a hot tub in the church, only not so hot. This really surprised me, growing up the only baptisms I ever attended where at the catholic church, only involved a drop or two of water, and were more symbolic that an actual dunking.

So, the moral of the story? I love my son. As long as the decisions he makes about himself involve an abundance of education, and do not harm himself or others, I will be there for him, even when I don't want to.

Blocked

What the? Nothing. So, here have a picture.

Fantasy

Everything black.
Little pinch.
Nothing More.
Drip, drip, drip.

Never going to stop.
Seek perfection.
Darkness of conscious.
Achieve obsession.

I can feel it now.
Pressure leaving.
Running down.
Puddles of me.

Never going to heal.
Kill the pain.
Nothing more to feel.
Slice the vein.

Sliding down to my knees.
Kneel no more.
Who hears the pleas.
Cower no more.

Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Words can never fix.
Whole and complete, fantasy.
Goodbye my love.
I'll really miss me.
Blood soaked dove.

Sometimes it does me good to take that out and remember days gone by. It has been years since I could write anything so raw, so pure, or so true to the feelings of the moment. Not that it is great, just real, no attempt at cloaking anything. A moment in reality placed on paper.

In this society that I live in it appears more and more evident to me that everyone and everything focuses on, with great frequency, the "right here, right now" mentality. We are unable, hopefully just at times, to remember that absolutely nothing is forever, nothing.

We will not always feel on top of the world and we will not always feel like the most insignificant speck of dust. We will not always feel, be, believe, or think the way in which we do right at this moment.

I'm not simply referring to the "major" events of one's life, no that is not it at all. I should do everything that I can to remember the joy and sorrow of those times. Not to re-live them, but to remember and reflect upon what brought me to that point and what changed. No the major stuff, that is easy compared to the everyday things.

When was the last time I walked in the rain? Was I laughing, crying, talking, singing, or simply listening?

I spied upon a baby last night and smiled. He was so tired, that little face would scrunch up preparing to belt a whale that would, in my imagination, bring the house down, in the end he just didn't have the energy, lay his head down and slept.

I became angry with a loved one today. So caught up in something small that I could have exploded and recited the the error of their ways, instead I said and did exactly nothing. Beauty of it was the "moment" passed no confrontation, no patented Michelle ramble about the virtues of this or the value of that. It simply passed.

Life is good, no dream, no fantasy life, but good all the same.

I want to fall in love again, at least a thousand times, and never again know heart break.

Needed this.

Sit back, close your eyes and smile.

Have you ever met a stranger?

Ok, if I can't get Richard to give you the real scoop on this picture, and Zonker is apparently unable, whatever that means...it leaves it to me to tell the tale of late, late Saturday night:

As the party at the cabin of Richard, Holder and little ole me, begins to die down a couple of us realize that there is a bit of a mess to clean up before rest. NOT much of a mess considering how many people were fed and filled with punch, chocolate vodka, wine and a nice assortment of beer. (All of the left-overs somehow made it into the cooler I just happened to take home - thanks Holder!) Thanks be to whomever began the clean-up process!

So, Holder is in bed, Richard is tucked in nicely (with pillow and blanket no less) on the bathroom floor it is left to Zonker to take out the trash and I am responsible for clearing the table, putting up the soup, and doing a dish or two. - Well, I am a bit OCD, there are really only two rules at my house:
1) The bed is made; and
2) No dirty dishes in the sink at bed time
Anything else is negotiable.

OK, so the place looks much better and we (Zonker, me and the punchbowl) head out for the front porch and a smoke. I ask the following question: Have you ever met a stranger? (Because this guy talks to any and everyone, just an observation on my part.)

I don't even think he had a chance to answer when out of the neighbors cabin door pop two men, drunk - not a drunk as yours truly, but definitely stumbling, and a towel. Well, the towel did happen to be covering certain portions of a very interesting...lady? Her first reaction to noticing there were strangers on the porch - running up to Zonkers and saying "Do the chicken dance!"

No, I was not quick enough with the camera to get "the dance" on film!

Our lovely new hostess proceeds to introduce us to her ex-husband & boyfriend, informs us that they are "sleeping buddies", requests to "fix" the horns, then offers us ice for the punch. While she is retrieving the ice, she finds some clothes, covering about the same amount of flesh as the towel, just less risk of falling and scarring our virgin eyes.

We are continually invited to go into their cabin "to party", I continually look at my partner in crime trying to convey the following message: "don't you even think about leaving me here". I think he understood.

Then, out of the cabin come dozens of people! Do you remember the clown car at the circus? Just like that, even some of the clothes they were wearing, words can not describe. What were they all doing in there? Why did we not hear them? What were they doing in there? Why are they all speaking German? What were they all DOING in there. (Yes, I flash another look, please, please, please, please I don't want to be here any more.) What were they doing in there? Where did the walk off to? Then the ex-husband re-invites us to party, they are going back into the cabin.

What is that my eye spies? Could it be, yes, yes, I think it is. So, I inquire about that tat and make the boldest request thus far of the weekend. "Can I take a picture?"

"Sure", says the hostess with the mostest. Now this lady leans over the rail, pokes out her hind quarters, pulls her shirt up, pulls her shorts down, which one of the three men help her with, and, well, she actually shakes that thing while railing "No one has ever taken a picture of my a** before!"
















Well, I don't know what else to say!

They said good night, we said good night. Then I received the answer to my question:

Between laughs Zonker says "I have never met a stranger, stranger."

I know, it sounds too good to be true...but, I have to say "I can't make this Shit up!"

Today, or, Back to Reality

So, I awaken, drink coffee, play solitaire, drink coffee, smoke, try to wake up Einstein, remember he has no school, and is thus with his father, drink coffee, play solitaire, shower, dress & thus, and drive to work.

Not so bad, right, well that is just the beginning. Good morning, hello, these people are really great & friendly.

Sit at desk. Check calendar. Groan. Check voice mail? Why do people leave voice mail over the weekend? Moan. Return calls. Get yelled at. Calm leaver of voice mail during the weekend.

Then begin the work...I love my job, honestly I do, wonderful people, interesting work, never boring, never the same thing, always entertaining. Listed below is an actually conversation from the day:

Receptionist: Michelle, can you help (names have been changed to protect the innocent) on line two?

Michelle: What do they need help with? (This is actually funny, people who call lawyers rarely tell you what they really need)

Receptionist: Well, bla, bla, I don't really know.

Michelle: Sure. (Pick up line two) This is Michelle, how can I help you?

Caller: Yes, I want to know (a babble of legal terms placed in an order making it clear that this person only has a weeee bit of knowledge). Is there anything I can do about it?

Michelle: Well, has bla, bla, bla, been done, or have you looked blab, blab, blab?

Caller: I am on my way to the courthouse to check. What can I do if, white noise?

Michelle: Thats hard to tell, not having seen the documents.

Caller: Can I do anything, or can't I?

Michelle: I would be happy to make you an appointment, you could bring all of your information. Sit down with an attorney.

Caller: Well, is there anything that I can do, more legal talk - all in the wrong context and order?

Michelle: I don't really know, I could make you an appointment with (name of attorney I work for) later in the week.

Caller: Are you an attorney? (this really cracks me up)

Michelle: No, Sir, I am not an attorney. (it really is my favorite statement to make)

Caller: I want to talk to an attorney.

Michelle: I would be happy to make an appointment.

Caller: Are there no attorneys that I can talk to?

Michelle: Not at this moment, no, there are no available attorneys. (at least not those willing to spoon out free legal advise to someone who is starting to get more than a little gruff with the secretary)

Caller: I asked to speak to an attorney.

Michelle: I would be happy to make you an appointment with an attorney.

Caller: I want to know if there is anything I can do about bla, bla, bla, that is what I want.

Michelle: Would you like for me to make you an appointment?

Caller: What a moron.........and then he hangs up.

So, less than an hour into my work week and things are really looking good!

MORAL OF THE STORY: I'm a Moron.

Not totally honest . . . in Helen, Georgia

So, I had the occasion to meet so many interesting, funny, fun, drunk, hung over, intelligent, strange, and/or tired, just wonderful, people. And, well, you see, I was not totally honest. Those responsible for dragging me to this occasion in Helen have been talking to me about, and trying to get me to start blogging.

Well, back in June I was interested enough to start, yep, one drivel of a post. Then I, basically, forgot about the creation of "A Different World", until a few weeks ago when the pressure was on for my attendance in Helen. Then I began stalking everyone linked to either Holder or Richard. Why? Because I was curious to see what all the fuss was about, I wanted to know what I may have been getting myself into, I was raised by a band of stalkers and have finally gotten in touch with the darker side?

Don't know, don't care, I just did.

Oh, here is the (a) point, or at least the explanation for the title of this post. When Holder introduced me all weekend long it was done with the title of "Non-Blogger", and I did not correct her, which at the core was true and honest, after all I don't know jack about this art of communication via electronic devices, unless you count - no that does not count. So, the confession is: I had this blog before going to Helen, but didn't, and still don't, know how to tell people to get here. How embarrassing would that have been to tell a bunch of experts?

An amazing time was had by Michelle this weekend, thanks to all. I may, one day, learn how to become public and invite you into A Different World!

No arts, no letters, no society, and which is worst of all, continual fear and danger of violent death; and the life of man solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
Thomas Hobbes
--Leviathan

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sheer Playfulness and Deadly Seriousness are my closest friends.
– Philip Roth

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Friedrich Nietzsche

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. - - Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
- - George Bernard Shaw, "Man and Superman" (1903), act 4

"I have been chosen! Farewell my friends! I go on to a
better place!"
3-eyed Alien from "Toy Story"

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
Albert Einstein

"Frailty, thy name is woman!"
Shakespeare --Hamlet (I, ii, 146)

"Dancing is silent poetry."
- Simonides (556-468bc)

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.
Albert Einstein

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. --John Donne

Family "Night Out"

Or as my brother put it "Cougars Night Out" was a blast. It was only the girls of the family and we went to a local restaurant for drinks and appetizers. Now, this is not my real family, just the one that I have currently adopted. We are not related, actually do not know each other very well at all, we have just done enough Theatre together to know that we like hanging out. Last night was slightly designed to help us through the withdrawal of having just finished a show together. Although, I hope, and I hope I am not alone in hoping this, that the second Tuesday of each month will become "Cougars Night Out".

I have, personally, never met a group of women with whom I could get drunk and silly with until now. Not that I was drunk, that would have taken more than the three amaretto sours, but we all got tipsy and, well, and I do hate to admit this, not my usual behavior, I giggled. So, Ladies, THANKS.

UPDATE: I have just discovered what the term "Cougar" refers to! Thanks oh brother of mine!

October 2007 Already?

WOW, how the heck do people do this every, almost every, day? I have spend the last few weeks doing what almost feels like stalking people, reading blogs.

Now I sit and I wonder if this could be the venue for Me and all of my little bits of, what is the word for it, ramblings?, thoughts?, feelings (NOT), insanity, yes that is it INSANITY? Well, something is better than nothing.

If you are out there stalking me, reading & wondering, don't. I am not all that interesting to anyone other than myself, even the children have caught on to this fact, do not be fooled or lulled into believing there is anything other than a crazy woman behind these words!

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night
But ah, my foes and oh, my friends,
It gives a lovely light!
--Edna St. Vincent Millay

I think the possibility of more pictures is on the horizon, just wish I had a video camera.

Information Please!

So, I am searching for specific information about Louis Alfredo Garavito. If you don't know who he is, consider yourself lucky. The man was arrested in October several years ago in Bogotá, Columbia, as the worlds most prolific serial killer. At any rate, if anyone knows anything about this man, all I want is a translated version of his radio apology. I, many years ago, written a play very loosely written on his life, better yet inspired by his life, and would like this information to mingle into the script.


Have a wonderful day!